He will never know

It was monday, first day of school of the week.
We were studing with some... "people" -that I can't call friends-
and a guy came to me and asked me for a book beside me,
when I took it and gave it to him
he saw it, he saw my wrist, my scars.
I didn't realize he did, since he asked me: "Why do you cuts?"
I thought he won't say anything  -that was what I wanted- but he wasn't really worried or anything like that. He, actually, almost scream that at me, when i was hoping that if he asked he would be a little more discreet.
I really didn't want to answer him, i didn't have to.

And two seconds later, I realize why he asked... He never felt like me.
Of course not. He's cool, funny, popular, he date and hook up with any girl he want to, everybody likes him, he have friends everywhere, everybody want to be his friend.

So I've smile to my inside, and told him "You'll never understand, mister popularity".

What you see, it's not the real me.

Hi, I'm Liv.
I look happy, right?

Well, I'M NOT.
What all you see, is fake.

I've cut... a lot.
I have so many scars.
Sucide was an option
many times.

I get bullied everyday,
this started in 1st Grade.


I'm not ready...
I have one close friend left.

I'm scared.


A lot of people hate me,
I don't know why.

I kind of hate myself,
too.

Wrried, Freak, Fat
Slut, Bitch, Stupid,
Dumb, Gothic, Emo...

I'm tired of bing
torn down.

 And bulling myself up,
to only be torn down
again.


BUT...


Because i'm
STRONGER
than that,

I have a few reasons
to be
HERE.

Beacuse I -feel like- wanna die.

Because I hate me, and nobody ever would love me, any way.

Because Im stupid and Ill never be smart.

Because I feel that everybody hates me, but never as much as I do.

Because I’ll never be good enough.

Because nothing worth it to me, and I don’t worth 4 nobody.

Because Im alone and I don’t have anyone else.

Because I do that things that Im not proud of, I feel like a Bitch, but I feel stronger in the moment.

Because I’m tired to show me strong, im not.

Because my mom is the best person in the world Im always disappointing her.

Because I disappoint everybody.

Because nobody EVER felt proud of me. And I didn’t, either.

Because I can’t trust in anyone.

Because nobody trust me.

Because, when I think I have friends, I realize, that im more alone.

Because I laugh so loud but my hart scream for pain in my inside.

Because I have not enough blood, to keep on doing this to me.

Because I feel more, and more stupid when I realize that mi wrist is full of scars and I don’t have more space there.

Because I don’t want to hide myself, but if I show me, nobody will cares about it.

Because nobody support me.

Because I don’t need to much, and I cant have it.

Because Im just a dumb little girl in the middle of her biggest, eternal nightmare.

Because I feel impotence every single day.

Because I couldn’t find the person to stay with me.

Because I don’t have nobody in this life, and I’d never had.

Because my “best friend” think that she knows me, but actually, she don’t know me AT ALL.

Because I feel blamed for everything.

Because Im a mistake.

Because I don’t want to cry anymore. But, I just can’t.

Because I hurt people, and I don’t want to be like that.

Because everything that I do, I do it wrong.

Because I cut myself, and I will hate me more if my mom discover.

Because sometimes, when i'm alone in my bed, I think in kill myself.